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nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
20 July 2009 @ 05:42 pm

things to do....
[right now]

review The Birdcage plot synposis/reviews and get an idea of an appropriate meal to plan around it
find a decent desert that has fruits [something strawberries and chocolate?]
make a poster to preview tomorrow's 'event'
go shopping for supplies
look up art schools
look up literary contests
look up jobs on craiglist

tonight
plan the meal
look up art schools, geek shirts, and writing contests
make and put up poster
Design project I failed to finish
Decide what to do about gym class
call June?
work on writing
hang out/discuss things with kendra



tomorrow
wake up early, like 9:30
look at classifieds go to Lindberg and get applications/ fill them out and turn them in [?]/ or either collect some and fill them all out with help from Emily or Kendra or somebody who knows what to do, try about 6 or 7 places
go to Target and browse the hair dye section and consider what color I should go with
go to grocery store
make dinner
clean up
dinner and a movie
call parents
finish design project

wednesday
take back apps?
work on art project


thursday
more job searching 
clean out car
dar dar job

friday
look for jobs [the loop maybe?]

sat 

sun 



http://www.bhg.com/recipe/desserts/strawberry-shortcakes/
http://www.bhg.com/recipe/desserts/puffy-shortcakes-with-meringue/

 
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
12 May 2009 @ 10:06 pm
Um, so update before I start studying. I've actually given in to my fate, and I am willing to just study and get it over with. If I can study accurately [fuck studying for math]. Just ONE MORE DAY, and this fucking semester of death is finally over, one way or another. And even though I'm taking summer courses, at least, I will have a few weeks to relax and not think about school things.

Courses I'm taking this summer [ideally, since I still have to sign up]

Figure Drawing II
Design I
Fitness Center
and worse case scenario, Intermediate Algebra, again

I'm excited about Figure II.

We finally did critique on those fucking self portriats we've been working on in Drawing II for like 7 weeks. Mine turned out okay and the critique was alright, but I'm so glad it is over.

Why is Lady Gaga so strange and prone to strange sexual metaphors?

I don't have anything to say, really.

I wish I had a large, old skool boombox so I could learn to breakdance to Grandmaster Flash.
 
 
Current Music: pokerface
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
20 February 2009 @ 02:28 am

Okay reaction to  the New Skins. Aka "Fredd(dddddddddddd)ie(!!!)"

Read more...Collapse )
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
06 December 2008 @ 01:29 am
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
30 November 2008 @ 12:08 am
So I saw Twilight. And it was my personal gift from God. Hilarious.
 
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
 god,  I am fat. okay, not really. but I'm fucking out of shape, because I just washed my car and now I'm exhausted. and  have a post-car wash 7up, which helpful. except not.

I also happen to have disgustingly long toe nails.

I love doing mudane tasks  like washing a car or sometimes cleaning or playing b ball, my thinking process is just awesome when I'm doing mindless activity.

listen to this!


http://youtube.com/watch?v=3XYa5CyvIpQ
 
 
Current Mood: fullstrange
Current Music: painting
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
16 March 2008 @ 12:11 am
This is my livejournal. And this is the first time I have ever put the URL up on my other blog/space/book sites for the possible viewing of  others that I know or quasi-know. The reason is that well, this is a diary. Quasi-public, yes, but still, DIARY.  In just reviewing it and  trying to censor it a bit so I that I could feel comfortable sharing there's no doubting that it is one. Strangely and even rather ironically, my livejournals are really the  only successful diaries 've ever had (I had a tendency to write about five entries and then a/loose or b/ throw aside  any journals in my school years). Basically, within the walls of my own little blog, to the audience of a hardy handfull I talk about the things that are on my mind. Generally, dorky ass things. So if you do read this, well, it's a dorky ride. I was pretty obsessed with like Panic at the Disco (I don't know) for a time, and I got pretty excited about theorizing how Ryan Ross  could be a jedi master and so forth. I also geek out about movies. And prove that I am sort of a stalker sometimes (though still darn cute and delightful) when it comes to like actor Paul Dano. 
Yeah, so if one reads it, and they don't know what I'm talking about while I geek,  well, that's understandable. 
So why is this worth anything? is a bit the question. 
It's the other things here. Real life things. Like just writing about doing things with people I enjoy and work and school and the mudane that make it worth while really.
You know, I think the thing that makes this site so unique and interesting is the way in which, with blogging (and I think there is something a little less pretenious here than with blogspot or whatever), you can really capture a sense of your point of view. In a way completely different from artistic expression or your everyday conversations or whatever. Diaries are about.... reflecting for yourself your day, your experiences, your feelings. Your own perspective. And to see how the mudane is percieved is sort of...fascinating.
And I like mine and I think it's something worth sharing. Even if it is, in a retarded way, sort of personal. 
So this is my journal. It's friends only. Which is a bit of a trap for non-lj users/possible real life friends, however, if any one (and I do mean any one not just said possible real life mates) want to be friends. Well just drop me a line and there is a 98% chance (1% covering insane creepers and 1% for Ryan Seacrest, who just can't be my friend NAH).  I will friend you back and let you read a bit of my POV. 

-Beezelfitzgerald
 
 
Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: fred snoring
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
22 January 2008 @ 10:29 pm
You know, celebrity deaths are so strange. Honestly. You have something that's distant enough not to be yours_your problem, your loss_  but is still familiar enough to shock the fucking hell out of you. And make you just feel like 'whoa, something's missing'. Quite often it isn't someone you'd ever consider yourself missing; hell when he was alive, did anyone really think Rick James would be someone to miss? I doubt it. But, the fact is that they were there and now, well, they aren't.  Profound? Not really. But, no matter what there will never be again. No one's going to burn a whore with his crack pipe  or wear a crazy glitter wig quite like  Rick, dudes. And the moral is no matter how many times we see it, death is a shock. And the simple loss of human life is unifying in its sadness and abruptness. No matter who the person is or what they did. 

And celebrity death. It's real and it's reflective of our everyday lives.  And it's a little terrifying.


 After hearing about both Brad Renfro ( very by accident and due to mention of a shitty Nick Stahl movie in an IM with Jessica) and Heath Ledger, well, I felt just what I felt when I found out Anna Nicole,  Rick James, John Ritter, Mr. Rodgers, or anyone else I was alive and old enough to see  die in society. I was shocked. Just endlessly utterly shocked. 

Did I know much about Heath Ledger really as a human being? No. Did I even see Brokeback Mountain? No, though I wanted to (mostly because of the boys kissing at first, though, for real reasons later; I also placed him, in a motherfucking sexy jean and jacket combo in promotion for Lords of Dogtown from waist  down on my pencil holder montage_thus totally focusing on his cock and the cig in his hand, which I totally still have_the collage, not his cock and cig). Really me and Heath had one thing that really unified us.



THIS GUY.

Now,   you should know, me and 10 things I hate about you have a history.

There was a whole summer wherein I managed  somewhere alongside my three times a week veiwing of Half Baked and basketball fun time to  fit in about 79808888 viewings of this movie on Starz (and I totally savored any cursing that that allowed me to view). I soaked it up, ever clique bit. Including this part,  for sure this part. I LOOOOOOVE YOU BABBBBBBY. I quoted Kat lines, to have them ready for my enemy/crush at school. I knew it better than the back of my hand.

The last time I saw it was in my stupid Economics class in senior year, when all my PAST delusions were gone, when that enemy/crush pretty much just made me wonder what the fuck was wrong with little me, when everything was different, but.  still, I  utterly adore it, the movie. It's clique and it's sweet  and funny and it's a part of my childhood. It reminds me of being what I was, like how certain rustles of Dorothy's basket remind me of being four when I watch The Wizard of Oz. I remember being in middle school,  the most bizarre, awkward, insane child alive with a million delusional dreams and feelings and ideas, solitary and the embodiment of the unfortunate pre teen. I know again how it was to  be young and riding a fourwheeler alone at my grandmas and playing basketball alone in the yard, the sights and sounds of it all. My crazy fucked up, lonely, beautiful  youth.

The thing is, Heath, and Renfro, too, are really the opening to my generation's infallibility. Both the way that drugs can ruin people applied to MY GENERATION, and, in a large scale way, that death happens.  And as many times as the lesson is displayed to me each day,  that's a wake up call. That's heartbreaking in a way that all the loss of generations and losses in generations have been. 

It's like this:



or this



or even this



Sure, most of us didn't know Heath and who knows what he was really going through. But like with me and 10 things, he was a part of something, movies, that were important to people. He's in movies people remember,  associate with things. And even if it's an unconventional relationship, it matters. Heath matters. 

Plus, most of us here have actors or musicians we care for greatly. Too much, really. If Paul Dano or Mikey Way or John Cusack or anyone that I love a lot ever dies, well. Consider, I'm the most sensitive person alive. I get forlorn over the death of bugs. I cry and cry and cry about the death of characters. Honestly, I would be so wrecked. 

There's no denying that actors and musicians make an impression on us, beyond any stupid and shallow reasons we maybe start to like them. And so for all those people that loved Heath Ledger in that way. Saw every film. Transcribed A Knight's Tale. Made a Heath collage on your bedroom door.  Just LOVED him. I am so very sorry. 

Also, so much empathy goes  to his family,  friends, co-stars, and anyone that did know him and his good qualities.  :[



 
 
 
Current Mood: contemplative
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
22 January 2008 @ 08:13 pm
 












 
 
 
nobody trusts me, i'm a fucking nutcase
20 January 2008 @ 03:09 pm
meeeeh. 

never see sugar.
 
 
Current Mood: curiouscurious