You know, celebrity deaths are so strange. Honestly. You have something that's distant enough not to be yours_your problem, your loss_ but is still familiar enough to shock the fucking hell out of you. And make you just feel like 'whoa, something's missing'. Quite often it isn't someone you'd ever consider yourself missing; hell when he was alive, did anyone really think Rick James would be someone to miss? I doubt it. But, the fact is that they were there and now, well, they aren't. Profound? Not really. But, no matter what there will never be again. No one's going to burn a whore with his crack pipe or wear a crazy glitter wig quite like Rick, dudes. And the moral is no matter how many times we see it, death is a shock. And the simple loss of human life is unifying in its sadness and abruptness. No matter who the person is or what they did.
And celebrity death. It's real and it's reflective of our everyday lives. And it's a little terrifying.
After hearing about both Brad Renfro ( very by accident and due to mention of a shitty Nick Stahl movie in an IM with Jessica) and Heath Ledger, well, I felt just what I felt when I found out Anna Nicole, Rick James, John Ritter, Mr. Rodgers, or anyone else I was alive and old enough to see die in society. I was shocked. Just endlessly utterly shocked.
Did I know much about Heath Ledger really as a human being? No. Did I even see Brokeback Mountain
? No, though I wanted to (mostly because of the boys kissing at first, though, for real reasons later; I also placed him, in a motherfucking sexy jean and jacket combo in promotion for Lords of Dogtown
from waist down on my pencil holder montage_thus totally focusing on his cock and the cig in his hand, which I totally still have_the collage, not his cock and cig). Really me and Heath had one thing that really unified us.
Now, you should know, me and 10 things I hate about you
have a history.
There was a whole summer wherein I managed somewhere alongside my three times a week veiwing of Half Baked
and basketball fun time to fit in about 79808888 viewings of this movie on Starz (and I totally savored any cursing that that allowed me to view). I soaked it up, ever clique bit. Including this part, for sure this part. I LOOOOOOVE YOU BABBBBBBY. I quoted Kat lines, to have them ready for my enemy/crush at school. I knew it better than the back of my hand.
The last time I saw it was in my stupid Economics class in senior year, when all my PAST delusions were gone, when that enemy/crush pretty much just made me wonder what the fuck was wrong with little me, when everything was different, but. still, I utterly adore it, the movie. It's clique and it's sweet and funny and it's a part of my childhood. It reminds me of being what I was, like how certain rustles of Dorothy's basket remind me of being four when I watch The Wizard of Oz
. I remember being in middle school, the most bizarre, awkward, insane child alive with a million delusional dreams and feelings and ideas, solitary and the embodiment of the unfortunate pre teen. I know again how it was to be young and riding a fourwheeler alone at my grandmas and playing basketball alone in the yard, the sights and sounds of it all. My crazy fucked up, lonely, beautiful youth.
The thing is, Heath, and Renfro, too, are really the opening to my generation's infallibility. Both the way that drugs can ruin people applied to MY GENERATION, and, in a large scale way, that death happens. And as many times as the lesson is displayed to me each day, that's a wake up call. That's heartbreaking in a way that all the loss of generations and losses in generations have been.
It's like this:
or even this
Sure, most of us didn't know Heath and who knows what he was really going through. But like with me and 10 things
, he was a part of something, movies, that were important to people. He's in movies people remember, associate with things. And even if it's an unconventional relationship, it matters. Heath matters.
Plus, most of us here have actors or musicians we care for greatly. Too much, really. If Paul Dano or Mikey Way or John Cusack or anyone that I love a lot ever dies, well. Consider, I'm the most sensitive person alive. I get forlorn over the death of bugs. I cry and cry and cry about the death of characters. Honestly, I would be so wrecked.
There's no denying that actors and musicians make an impression on us, beyond any stupid and shallow reasons we maybe start to like them. And so for all those people that loved Heath Ledger in that way. Saw every film. Transcribed A Knight's Tale
. Made a Heath collage on your bedroom door. Just LOVED him. I am so very sorry.
Also, so much empathy goes to his family, friends, co-stars, and anyone that did know him and his good qualities. :[